The Romani Girls Invade Hogwarts
by mousie2
Summary: A fic by mousie2, cowritten by the crazy ladies. Meh. Cannot be bothered about a blurb. Read Chapter 1, and I guarantee, there's no going back...
1. Lost

Just a little thing: I learnt my lesson last time. I got no reviews for about a month. I still only have 4, 2 of which are from my best friend. And this was all due to the fact that I said in my summary that I had OCs. I have OCs in this one too. But wait! They are not Mary Sues. I can assure you of that. These are two girls who wouldn't know Osama Bin Laden if he held machine-guns at their heads. Hey, that happens anyway. Read on, dear friends, read on. And don't be sceptical. Keep your minds open. A/N: Ok, don't pay me out, but I finally figured out why my bold and italic print wasn't coming out. Because I wasn't saving it as an htm. I have now, so that problem is fixed. It wasn't all that important up until this story anyway. This is a new story by mousie2, with help from my best friend KK of the crazy ladies. I came up with the original idea for it and went to her house soon after, where we concocted what we think is a masterpiece. We have 5 more stories, at least, coming later, but this is the first of them. 

**Blurb:** Meet our two comedic characters, and they're Romanian! Both born into old gypsy families now settled, the two friends set out in search of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry after being expelled from Beauxbatons. Prepare yourselves for mischief, mayhem, love and laughs as these Romani girls invade Hogwarts. 

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, but the two Romani girls are KK's and mine. 

* * * 

Chapter 1: Lost 

"Ve're lost," said a tall girl with shoulder-length dark brown hair. Her blue eyes flashed dangerously at the girl beside her. 

"No, no! Ve're not lost! Ve just took de scenic route, dat's all," said the other girl, who had very long, fiery red hair. 

"Ve're lost," said the dark girl again. 

"Ve are not lost!" argued the red head.  

"Fine," said the other girl. "Den vhere are ve, Andréa?"

 The girl called Andréa thought about this for a moment. 

"…About 3hrs past vhen you last ask, and about 2 days since…Prague," she said at last.  

"Vhich vould be vhere?" the dark haired girl asked, rolling her eyes impatiently. 

The red head paused. 

"I don't know, exactly," she said. "But give me a few minutes, Milena, and I make GPS spell to tell us."  

Twenty minutes later, the two girls were sitting on the ground. They were both staring at a map with a small flashing light on it. 

"Dat's vhere ve are," said Andréa triumphantly. 

Milena looked at the map and rolled her eyes again. 

"Well, dat's farking brilliant, isn't it," she said. "It says vhere in de meedle of novhere! You got us lost." 

"Vell, I teenk ve just have to valk dat vay," said Andréa, pointing left. "Or dat vay," she added pointing right. "Or dat vay," she said, pointing straight ahead, "or possibly dat vay," she finished, pointing behind her. 

"You don't know, do you?" said Milena. 

"No, not really," said Andréa. "Did you have to ask?" 

"Should ve call home, you teenk?" asked Milena. "Mama has new telephone for de mansion. Ve had noteenk in Romania. Such a hole." 

"I have muggle cell phone," said Andréa. 

She reached a hand into the pocket of her pants and pulled put a Nokia N-Gage, holding it up. 

"No farking reception," she said. "And deese phones supposed to be so good. Ve pay – actually parents no tell me how much phone vas. Dat never goot sign." 

She pocketed the phone again. 

"Vait a minute," she said, her face lighting up. She began to gesticulate to Milena, who stared at her, looking both puzzled and annoyed. 

"Vhat are you doink?" she asked. 

Andréa continued to make some form of gesture resembling an explosion. 

"You vant to blow this place to hell?" asked Milena, drearily. 

"Vell, dat too, but no," said Andréa. "Dat vasn't vhat I vas teenking." 

"I give up," said Milena, monotonically, as Andréa continued to gesticulate to her. 

Andréa threw down her hands, putting them on her waist. 

"Vhat have ve been practicing illicitly for de past 3 years?" she asked, straight-faced. 

"Dat doesn't help, Andréa," said Milena.   

"I guess you're right," said Andréa, thinking about it for a minute. "Vhat I meant vas dat ve could Apparate to Hogvarts." 

"You can't Apparate onto Hogvarts grounds, remember," said Milena. "And besides, remember last time ve tried to Apparate?" 

"Vell, I'm sure ve can make it in vun piece vitout almost drowning dis time," she said confidently. 

"I vish I could share in your confidence," said Milena. "But remember dat you veren't nearly eaten by a shark." 

"Dat vas your own fault, you know," said Andréa. 

"No, it vasn't," Milena retorted. "You farking vhistled to him. Dey is not pets, dey is vicious man-eaters." 

"Ve could try," said Andréa. "At least to London." 

"Ok, fine," said Milena. "Ve might at least get to a place dat ve can get phone reception." 

They stood up and closed their eyes, thinking very hard about where they wanted to go. A few minutes later, they opened their eyes to see where they were. The scene around them was not London.

"Vere you teenking about London?" asked Milena. 

"No, I vas teenking about cute Irish boys," she said guiltily. 

"Good, den I vasn't de only vun," said Milena. 

They both looked around again at their surroundings. 

"I teek ve're in Ireland," said Milena. "But I don't know vhere. Did you bring de GPS map vit you?" 

"I left it back vhere ve vere," said Andréa. 

Milena rolled her eyes. 

"Vell, now ve are officially farked," she concluded. 

Andréa caught sight of a gorgeous dark haired, blue-eyed guy walking past them. 

"No qvite," she said. 

She walked over to him and began to talk to him in her best Irish accent, flipping her long red hair and flashing her bright green eyes. 

"I'm from out of town and I think I might have caught the wrong train," she said, innocently. "Would you be able to tell me where I am?"

"You're in South Dublin," said the guy. 

"And where would my friend and I be able to catch a train, or get a boat, maybe?" she asked. 

"Would you like me to show you?" asked the man. 

"That would be very nice," replied Andréa, motioning for Milena to follow her. 

            Eventually, they found themselves on a boat, sailing away over the horizon. The sea breeze was blowing in their hair as they went. Andréa took out her phone again, looking at it. 

"_Now_ de reception vorks," she said. "I'll call Mama." 

She dialled home. The phone began to ring. 

"Hello? Mama? Oh, it's you. No, I don't vant to talk to you. Put Mama on…. Oh, get farked you shit-faced little brat, or you vill be in deeeep shit vhen I get home, get it…. Don't threaten me. Dat's my job…. Put Mama on now! Hello Mama…. Yes…. Ve're on a boat…. I don't know vhere it's goink…. But he vas really cute… I know I should have asked, but I got sidetracked… Ok, Mama. Ve'll call vhen ve get off… I don't know vhere, but vherever…. No, ve'll be fine…Love you too, Mama…. Goodbye." 

"I take it she vasn't pleased dat you have no idea vhere ve're goink," said Milena. 

"No," said Andréa. "And my little shit of a brother is threatening to tear up my massive Orlando Bloom poster. Oh, heee'll get it goot vhen I get back. I'll turn him into a furby, dat's it." 

About 2, 856 kms (1, 774 miles) later and day and a half since they had left Dublin, they finally reached a port. Looking at the sign, Milena turned and looked at Andréa, who was wearing the same bemused expression on her face. Andréa turned to face Milena. 

"Ve're in Hrissopigi," said Milena. 

"Ve're vhere?" asked Andréa. 

"Don't know," said Milena. "But this time, I get to ask cute guy." 

Andréa snorted loudly and pointed to a hairy, short, pot-bellied man of about 40, with messy black hair and a vacant expression, standing near the dock. 

"You mean _dat_ guy?" she scoffed. "He's all yours." 

Andréa shook her head, and pointed to a handsome, dark-haired guy walking out of a nearby building. 

"_He's _mine," said Milena. 

"Dis I have to see," said Andréa, watching avidly. 

Milena flounced over to the cute guy, smiling sweetly and asked him where she was. The man smiled back at her and nodded as she spoke. Finally, when she had finished he spoke very slowly. 

"I – no – speak – English," he said. 

Milena's face dropped. She began speaking in Italian, and asked if he understood. But the man only gave her a strange look. Milena nodded and smiled before turning and walking back to Andréa, who was cackling with laughter and pointing her finger. 

"I'll never hear de end of dis, vill I?" she said, bluntly. 

"Nope," said Andréa, and started laughing again. 

"Shut up for two seconds vhile I try and vork out vhere de hell ve are," said Milena, looking rather peeved. 

"You're on Sifnos, vun of de Greek islands," called the pot-bellied man from the dock. 

"Thank you," Milena called back, holding up her hand in gratitude. 

"I teenk he likes you," muttered Andréa. 

"I have had enough of your comments for today," replied Milena, pointing a finger at her. "Vun more, and I knock your farkink face in, got it?" 

Andréa snorted again before putting on a straight face. 

"Ok, I promise," she said solemnly. "No more comments." 

"Good," said Milena. 

"He vants to marry her after dat smile," muttered Andréa quietly, as Milena walked away. 

"I heard dat," she called back. 

"I still say he likes you," said Andréa. 

"Vould you like me to transfigure you into Mrs Kermit again," said Milena. "I'm sure you vould enjoy another night out on dat drainpipe." 

"Vhy did you have to turn me into a farking tree-frog?" asked Andréa. "I still have nightmares about svooping birds." 

"Punishment for last comment you make," she said. 

"Dat vasn't punishment," said Andréa. "Dat vas just cruel." 

"Den no more comments about you-know-vhat," she replied. 

"Ok, ok," said Andréa. "But please don't turn me into frog again. I vas just having a beet of fun." 

"Vell so vas I," replied Milena, grinning. 

"Don't do dat," said Andréa. "You're scary vhen you do dat. You look like my ex boyfriend." 

"Vhich vun?" asked Milena. "De vun you dress in fluffy bunny suit and leave on sidevalk in New York or de vun you turn into small tree and planted in next door neighbour's garden so his dog could piss on him?" 

"De vun I dress in fluffy bunny suit," she said. 

"Oh, he vas scary," said Milena. 

"Ja (say 'da'), dat's vhy I dump him," she said. 

"Vell, enough about dat," said Milena. "Ve need to get off dis island." 

"Ve Apparate," said Andréa. "But ve need to concentrate. Ok, teenk Hogvarts." 

The two girls closed their eyes and thought hard of Hogwarts. 

"Vait!" cried Milena. "Ve have to Apparate to Hogsmeade, remember." 

"Right," said Andréa. "Then teenk Hogsmeade." 

They visualised Hogsmeade in their minds and concentrated hard… 

* * * 

**A/N:** Ok, there we have it. The first chapter of my new Harry Potter story, co-written by the crazy ladies, KK. Please show us your appreciation of or work or anything you would like to tell us, please review. We'd love to know what you all think of this story, and whether or not we should bother to continue writing it. There are more adventures to come, as soon as I can finish writing Chapter 2. Please review and leave your comment. We would much appreciate it. 

Lisa and KK


	2. Lost Again

**A/N:** Here is the second chapter in our literary masterpiece (or at least we think so). Enjoy more bungles from our new favourite characters, Andréa and Milena and see what other mischief and trouble they stir up in this next instalment. 

**Disclaimer:** All of the Harry Potter references belong to the master, J.K. Rowling, but Milena and Andréa belong to KK and me. We are not responsible for anything our characters willingly do, so thbbbbbbb :P

* * * 

**Chapter 2: Lost…Again**

In just a few short seconds, Milena and Andréa were Apparated into the middle of a street in Hogsmeade. Nearby stood two people, an old witch and her husband.

"Looks like two students have gone and splinched themselves," said the witch.

"That it does," said her husband. "And from the looks of it," he added, looking down at the half witches in front of them, "these two are about 17 or 18, so they should have their license. Obviously they need more practice." 

"I wonder where the other half of them is?" said the witch… 

Elsewhere, a tour group was passing through a castle, when suddenly an American woman caught sight of something in the display case near her. Two things in fact… 

"Vern, Vern, do you see those two girls," she asked her husband, who was standing beside her. "They're legless, and they don't look like part of the display" 

"It's not p.c. (politically correct) to call them legless, dear," said her husband. "Just like it's not p.c. to call American Indians American Indians. They're Native Americans." 

He turned around to look at what his wife was ranting about and froze

"I think we can call them legless." 

"Milena," came a voice from inside the display cabinet. "Milena, my nose itches." 

"Don't move," whispered Milena.  

"But it itches!" whined Andréa.

"Fine then, scratch it," she said. "We'll be leaving soon. But you can do the memory charms."

"Vern, Vern, now they're talking!" said the American woman. 

"Ladies and gentlemen," said Andréa, addressing the tour group. "If you'd all please look at this." 

She held her wand out in front of her and smiled pleasantly at the people. 

"Oh no," said a snotty-nosed little boy from the crowd. "_I've_ seen Men in Black. _I'm_ not looking."

"Well it makes no goddamn difference whether you look or not," said Andréa impatiently. 

"When I cast the spell, we Apparate to our legs," she muttered quietly to Milena, who nodded. 

Andréa raised her wand a little higher and cleared her throat. 

"Obliviate!" she cried. 

A blinding light flashed around the room as both Andréa and Milena closed their eyes tightly, murmuring a dark magic spell to Apparate themselves out of the display case and back to their legs. 

            They succeeded in reattaching themselves, however, not in arriving to the place they desired. Opening their eyes, the found themselves in yet another fix. 

"Vell, ve are at least in vun piece again," said Andréa. 

"And vunce more, ve have no idea vhere ve are," said Milena. "Ve're in de meedle of novhere again!" 

"Vell, it's a different meedle of novhere, dis time," said Andréa. "Change of scenery." 

"Give me your phone," demanded Milena. "I vant to use de GPS on it." 

"It has GPS?" asked Andréa. "You could have told me." 

"Vell, vidout reception it doesn't vork," she said. "I vant to check it." 

Andréa handed the mobile to Milena reluctantly. Milena looked at it carefully. 

"Ve are in Germany," said Milena. "But vhere, I am not sure. I teenk ve should keep valking. Ve might actually find somevhere dat ve can get back to Eengland." 

"I can speak Yiddish now," said Andréa enthusiastically. "Finally, a use for it." 

"Dis should be goot," muttered Milena. 

The girls walked along a fair way until they found a road, following it for a while to see where it led. They walked, and walked, and walked. Hours slipped by. By now, the two girls were getting very tired. The road came to an end and Andréa and Milena were forced to venture into the forest. Further walking brought them into a clearing, and, in the distance, they saw. It was a large stone castle about four floors high. They were surrounded by mountains, forest and lakes. 

"Vhere are ve?" asked Milena. 

Andréa took out her phone and stared at it. She shrugged. 

"Don't know," she said. "No reception." 

"I'll make GPS spell," said Milena. 

They stood staring at the map for some time, trying to work out where they were. There was no light on the page, but a detailed map was drawn up of the area, from where they had come along the road to where they stood. 

"Vell, I teenk ve are here," said Milena, pointing to where the forest ended on the map. "But I don't know vhere dat is. I'll keep de map so ve can find our vay out. In de meantime, should ve knock?"

"It's a castle, isn't it," said Andréa. "Ve see if anyvun is home." 

The girls walked towards the castle in the distance and within half an hour, they had reached the front doors. Tentatively, Milena knocked on the doors. They opened slowly, leading into a large, dull hall. Several people turned to stare at them, all looked astonished. 

"Milena, deese strange pale people are staring at us," said Andréa. "Vhy are dey staring at us? Has my cleavage come out?"

"No," said Milena. "I teenk it's your hat." 

She pointed to the large furry Cossack hat that sat atop Andréa's head. 

"It can't be," she said. "Dey're vearing de same vuns. But mines better. Designer." 

She fondly stroked the hat. 

Milena rolled her eyes and looked around at the sea of faces assembled in the hall. They were tall, with dark hair, dressed in heavy furs, and had vacant or confused expressions on their faces. 

"Dey seem surprised to see us," she said. "Like ve're not supposed to be here." 

"That vould be because you're not," said a girl near them. "This school is supposed to be hidden." 

"It is," said Andréa. "Have you any idea how long it take for us to find a vay out of dat goddamn forest. Hours!" 

"You're not supposed to be able to get through that forest!" exclaimed the girl, her hazel eyes wide with astonishment. 

"Vell, ve did," said Milena. "And who are you to tell us ve can't do it anyvay?" 

"I'm the Head Girl," she said, flicking her long brown hair back over one shoulder. "Leah Harrison." 

"Okee," said Andréa. 

The girls stared around the hall once more, catching a few rather bewildered, odd and confused glances and faces. 

"Milena," whispered Andréa. "Deese people still looking at my cleavage. Are you sure dat dey can't see anyteenk?" 

"Vell, your outfit would draw some attention here," said Milena. "If you vill observe vhat deese other people are vearink." 

"Ja, dey're vearink really ugly brown robes," she said, making a face. "Dey look like shit." 

Suddenly, a tall man came hurrying down the stairs and pushed his way through the crowd of students. He was dressed in black robes with a thick cloak around his shoulders. His face was ugly and pale; with a thin twitching mouth and cold grey eyes, glaring angrily at the two girls. He advanced on them hastily. 

"What are you doing here?" demanded the man. "How did you get here?"

"Ve got lost," explained Andréa. "I teenk ve took a wrong turn, or somevun gave us bad directions."  

"Maybe it vas dat strange man with de turban and really feral beard who sent us in wrong direction," said Milena. "Vhat vas his name?"

Andréa thought for a minute. 

"Osca, no, no, Sam, no, Oscana, no…Osama, dat's it!" 

"Vhere vas dat?" asked Milena. "Iraq? Iran? Or vas it somevhere else?"

"Porhaps dat Afghanistan place!" suggested Andrea "…He had very same look on his face…"

"I don't teenk ve should have trusted him, after those machine guns being pointed at our _heads_," said Milena. 

"But he seemed so nice after dat," pleaded Andréa. 

"Dat vas because ve had our vands pointed at _his_ head," replied Milena. 

"Oh, yeah," said Andréa. 

"Enough!" shouted the man impatiently. 

"Calm down," said Andréa. "Don't get your robes in a tvist." 

"How did you find this place?" he demanded. 

"_I_ don't know," said Andréa, shrugging her shoulders. "Ve don't even know vhere ve are." 

"You are in Durmstrang castle," said the man. 

"Vhich vould be… vhere?" asked Andréa. 

"It's a secret!" he shouted the man. "No one is supposed to be able to find it!" 

Andréa scoffed. 

"Vell somevun screwed up dere, deedn't dey," she said. 

The man's face went a deep shade of magenta as he glared at her. 

"It is no one's fault but yours!" he shouted. 

"How is it our fault?" asked Andréa. "Ve got lost." 

"Vell, dat _vas_ your fault," said Milena. 

"I know, but he don't know dat," she said. 

"Now he does," said Milena. 

Andréa turned to the man, who was looking as furious as ever. 

"You did not hear anyteenk, got it," she said, before turning away quickly. But she stopped and turned around slowly again. 

"Who are you, anyvay?" she asked. 

"I am Karkaroff, the Head of Durmstrang," he said pompously. 

"Dat's nice," said Andréa dismissively, turning back to Milena. 

"You still haven't answered my question," said Karkaroff urgently. "How did you get here?" 

"Vell…" said Andréa. "Ve walked down dis long road just south of Berlin for hours, and wandered into a forest…"

"Enough!" screamed Karkaroff. 

"Vill you qvit doink dat!" shouted Andréa. "God, dis guy have a short fuse." 

"Have you any idea how annoyink dat is," said Milena, addressing the man, a glaring look on her face. She turned back to Andréa. "I teenk he need chocolate." 

She pulled a bar of chocolate from her robes and dusted it off a little. 

"You stole my farking chocolate!" cried Andréa, staring at the bar.

"You go hyper vhen you eat it," said Milena. "It's not goot for you to do dat." 

"Gimme de farking chocolate!" screeched Andréa. 

"He need it more dan you do," reasoned Milena. 

"I VANT DE CHOCOLATE!" screamed Andréa. "GIMME DE FARKING CHOCOLATE!" 

"SILENCE!" he boomed. His face had gone a deep shade of magenta. 

Milena shoved the chocolate bar forcefully into his mouth. 

"Eat," she said angrily. "Den maybe you'll shut up and stop interruptink us. Oy." 

She put a hand on her head, shaking it, and then pulled out another chocolate bar from her robes, handing it to Andréa. 

"Dat vun is yours," she said. "Now, please, no more screaming." 

Andréa happily munched away at the chocolate bar, while the angry man took it out of his mouth and nibbled at it slowly. 

"Now, vill you agree to behave?" asked Milena, frowning sternly at Karkaroff. 

He looked at her in silence and quietly continued to eat the chocolate. 

"I'll take dat as a yes," she said. "Now, vhere vere ve? Oh yes, I remember now. Ve vere talkink about how ve got here in de first place." 

"Da, dat vash it," said Andréa, her mouth still full of chocolate. 

"Do you mind?" asked Milena. "Close your mouth. I don't vant to see vhat you're eatink." 

"Sorry," she said. 

Andréa covered her mouth as Milena glared at her again. 

"Ok, now, I continue," said Milena. "Ve got lost a few hours south of Berlin, I teenk…"

"But how did you find this place?!" demanded the man. "No one can find this castle!" 

"Ve did," said Andréa. 

"YES! I KNOW!" he yelled. 

Milena glared at him and pulled out another chocolate bar threateningly. The man looked at it and calmed down. Andréa, meanwhile, was drooling and trying to grab at the chocolate. 

"But how did you get here?" asked the man calmly. 

"Ve don't know," said Andréa shrugging. "Ve just found it. Ve still got map of area, but ve didn't have dat until after ve found dees place." 

"YOU HAVE A MAP!?!" bellowed Karkaroff. 

Milena began to unwrap the chocolate bar and held it close to his face, glaring fiercely. 

"I choke you vid dis if you keep yellink," she growled. "Don't tempt me." 

"Ja (say 'da'), ve have a map," said Andréa. "Maybe ve sell it to get a bit of money." 

Karkaroff lunged forward as if to strangle her, but Milena pulled him back violently. 

"She vas jokink," she said. 

"No, I vas serious," said Andréa. "Sell it to a paper, ve can make a bundle and piss him off at de same time." "Sound goot," said Milena. "But dees vun's mad enough already. He kill us before ve leave." 

"True," said Andréa, contemplating for a second. 

"Ve should be goink now," said Milena. "Ve need to get back to Eengland." 

"You are not going anywhere," he said angrily. "Not until you tell me your names and where you live or came from." 

"Do you really teenk ve're goink to tell _you_," said Milena. "Ve not stupid." 

"I'm Andréa and I live in Romania, about vun hour, forty-five meenutes south-vest of –"

Milena clapped a hand over her mouth. 

"Vhat are you _doink_?" she demanded. "You are goink to get us _both_ killed." 

"He say ve couldn't go anyvhere until ve tell him –" 

"I heard vhat he say," said Milena. "He vant to kill us, dat's vhy he ask vhere ve live, you eediot." 

"Oh," said Andréa. "I get it now. He vant to kill us because ve know vhere deir secret castle is and ve are goink to sell de map here to a huge newspaper so dat everyvun can find it." 

"Yeeees," said Milena. "Dat's it. But dere is only vun teeng to do now." 

"Vhat's dat?"

"RUN!!!" shouted Milena. 

Both girls dashed towards the open door and outside, heading for the forest, as fast as they could. The rest of the Durmstrang students followed them, Karkaroff included. 

* * * 

**A/N:** Vell, vhat did you teenk of dat? Ve demand reviews to let us know vhat you teenk. Dat is an order! Or I'll shove dis chocolate bar down you throat! Got it? Next chapter, I think we actually make it to Hogwarts. Let the games and fun begin!

Now, thanks to our reviewers: 

The crazy ladies – My brilliant partner in crime… I meant writing… I did, I swear. Here you go, darlink, de next chapter of our brilliant masterpiece. Hope you're not still talking in your Romani accent. I keep getting requests to do it now. Ve should do a recordink of it for all deese people. But it's too much vork, unless ve post it on your vebsite. 

ME!!!!!!!! – You retart, Ween. Quit sending me crappy reviews. By now, everyone should know that you're my sister. And if keep sending them, I _will_ pair you up with Ron, or worse, Crabbe and Goyle! 

Mia-xx – Hey Mia. Hope you liked your little cameo as Leah Harrison, your character from 'Melting the Ice'. I'll see you at school. Any suggestions for the next chapter? 

Eowyn – Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter up. So much work. I'll have Chapter 5 of 'Hope in Minas Tirith' up as soon as I can find the notes for the Houses of Healing sequence. It's really good, and I'm so pissed off about loosing them. Keep an eye out though. I'm going to find them, I'm sure. 

REVIEW! PLEASE! VE NEED REVIEWS TO KEEP WRITING!!! Or ve use our dark magic to curse you all into OBLIVION!!! Ve know who you are! YOU CANNOT HIDE!!! REVIEW!!!

Thanks,

KK and Lisa


	3. Lost Yet Again

**A/N:** Hello peeple, ve're back! Ve come vid tidinks of great joy. A new chapter for you all to read! It's my 17th birthday today! YAY! This is my gift to you people for my birthday. I would appreciate a few reviews…if it wouldn't be too much trouble…please…for me…

**Disclaimer:** Anyone breathes a word of this to J.K. Rowling, and you will die. Don't sue me for complete desecration of her characters and alternate world. We just like to have a bit of fun. ****

* * * 

**Chapter 3: Lost Yet Again**

            The two girls burst through the doorway of the Durmstrang castle, followed close behind by a host of Durmstrang students and Karkaroff. Milena was shouting at Andréa as they ran towards the forest. 

"Dis is _all_ _your_ fault," she cried. 

"_My_ fault?" asked Andréa. "Vhat do you mean _my_ fault? Dis is _your_ fault!" 

"_My_ fault?" cried Milena. 

"Ja," said Andréa. "You vere de vun who suggest ve should go down road in de first place." 

"But you vere de vun who say: 'let's go into big scary forest in meedle of novhere. AT NIGHT!" 

"It vas not scary," retorted Andréa. "Ve're still here; ve veren't eaten." 

"But now ve in dis mess!" yelled Milena. "And who's fault vas dat again?" 

"Yours! Not mine, yours!" said Andréa. "Because –" 

"Dis is neider de time, nor de place for dis discussion," said Milena. 

"You started it," said Andréa. "And it's your –" 

"Shut up and run, you eediot!" yelled Milena. 

They glanced back at the crowd following them. They were gaining on the girls. Karkaroff was glaring menacingly at them as he led the chase. 

"Ve're never goink to escape dem if ve run," said Milena. "Dey know exactly vhere ve're goink." 

"Ve need to Apparate," suggested Andréa. 

"Vhy is dat your answer for everyteenk? It hasn't vorked yet. Ve alvays end up in meedle of novhere, or in very dangerous situation; like now." 

"Vun last try; to Hogsmeade," said Andréa. "It's not like ve have a choice." 

"True."           

As they ran, the two focused hard on Apparating, while still fearing capture by the mob following close behind. They felt themselves moving at a terrific pace and seconds later, stop somewhere. Slowly, cringingly, the girls opened their eyes and looked around. 

"VE DID IT!" screamed Andréa. "VE ARE IN HOGSMEADE!" 

The girls began dancing around in circles, laughing together. They stopped after a few minutes and looked around at their surroundings. They were standing in a large, snow-covered square with only a handful of people walking around. Some of them were looking at the girls with odd expressions on their faces, but most ignored them. They could see everyone was warmly dressed, with heavy cloaks and coats on. A sudden gust of icy cold wind blew up, covering the two with snow and leaving them shivering. 

"Ve should have packed varm clothes," said Andréa. 

"Ve should have _vorn_ varm clothes," corrected Milena. "My arse has frozen off, I svear." 

"Vhat are _you_ complainink about?" said Andréa. "_I'm_ de vun vid the skimpy outfit." 

"And who's fault is dat?" asked Milena. 

"It's alvays _my_ fault, isn't it," said Andréa crossly. 

"Vell, yes, actually," said Milena simply. 

She looked around again at their surroundings and frowned. 

"I don't teenk ve're in Scotland," said Milena at last. 

"Vhy?" 

"Because, it's summer dere at de moment," she said. 

"Really? What's the difference between winter and summer?"

"There is one, on some days." Milena defended.

"Right," said Andréa. "Den vhere are ve?" 

Milena looked around again, studying the odd-looking buildings and sparse vegetation. 

"Ve are – I don't know," she said. "Give me your phone." 

"No." 

"Yes." 

"Vhy?"

"Because." 

"No." 

Milena held up her wand. 

"Fine." 

Andréa handed her phone over to Milena, who stared at it for some time before handing it back. Her expression was calm, but forced. Andréa watched her lips twitch as she turned to face her. 

"Ve are in SIBERIA!" 

"And it's _my_ fault," said Andréa. 

"JA!" 

"How is it _my_ fault?" 

"It's _alvays_ your fault! Who vas de vun who say: 'let's see who's home'?" 

"Vell who vas de vun who suggest ve knock in first place?" 

"Ve vouldn't have had to knock if it veren't for you!" 

"Vhat did I do? Ve vere Apparating. It vas your fault too." 

"Let's not start dis again." 

"You started it." 

Milena silently counted to ten.

"Shut up and let me teenk. Ve are in de meedle of novhere, again again." 

"Vell, look on de bright side," said Andréa. 

"VHAT BRIGHT SIDE?! VE IN FARKINK SIBERIA!" yelled Milena. 

"At least Karkaroff von't find up here," consoled Andréa. 

"No, he von't," said Milena. "Because he don't teenk ve are dat DUMB!" 

"He don't _teenk_ ve're dat dumb," said Andréa. "He _know_ ve're dat dumb." 

"Vell, he know dat _you_ are dat dumb," said Milena. "Dis is de seexteenth time ve have been lost dis veek!" 

"Seventeenth," corrected Andréa. 

"And you're farkink countink!" yelled Milena. 

She stared around her for a time, looking for something or someone to help them. There were a few boys walking along, near them. Milena saw an opportunity to ask for assistance, and redeem herself after the incident on the island. 

"I'll go and see if dey know anyvhere dat ve can get back to Europe," she said. "Safely," she added, as Andréa opened her mouth to dispute, but promptly closed it again. 

"_I_ should talk to dem," said Andréa. 

"Vhy?" demanded Milena. 

"Because, you might screw up again, like you did vhen ve vere in Hippogriffy, or vhatever," she said. 

"But I'm de vun who speak native langvage of dis country," said Milena. 

"I speak Russian too," said Andréa. 

"Ja, but I _am_ Russian," said Milena. "And dey get offended by people who vear exposing clothes." 

"Dey don't look offended to me!" cried Andréa. "Vhy you teenk I vear exposink clothes. Dey're cute, and dere's four of dem. Mama is always telling you to share!" 

Milena approached the boys casually and began conversing with them in a friendly manner. Andréa stood watching from a distance. Milena seemed to be enjoying this. She was laughing and joking with them, in what could be called a familiar way. Andréa tapped her foot impatiently, glaring and waiting. Finally, Milena finished and returned to her friend. 

"Took you long enough," said Andréa. 

"Vell, dey vere old friends," explained Milena. 

"Friends? You have friends?" 

"Shut up," she said. "Remember vhen I vent to boardink school in Siberia?" 

"Ja, Excuse me a moment" said Andréa, snorting with laughter, "HAHA" 

"And you vere payink me out." 

Andréa nodded and coughed, suppressing a laugh. 

"_Dey_ vere some of de boys dere." 

Andréa's eyes opened wide and she glared icily at Milena. 

"I hate you. Dat's not fair." 

Milena shrugged her shoulders and smirked. 

"Do I care?"  

There was a silence between them as Andréa waited expectantly. 

"So?" she said finally. "Did you find out how ve can get out of here?" 

"Ve catch the Knight Bus," she said. "Simple." 

"Vhy deedn't ve teenk of dat before now?" asked Andréa. "Ve vould be at Hogvarts by now." 

"I _know_," said Milena. "But who vas de vun who keep sayink 'let's Apparate'?" 

"But ve can't catch Knight Bus to Hogsmeade," said Andréa. "I still maintain dat ve Apparate." 

"Vell, can ve at least try to get Knight Bus?" 

"No," said Andréa. "Ve _need_ to get to Hogvarts, and ve don't have time to vait for de farkink bus." 

"_Fine_. Vun last try, but if ve don't get dere, ve're takink de bus." 

"Deal." 

The girls moved away from the main square, and into a secluded space where they could not be seen. Closing their eyes, they visualised the scene of Hogsmeade, and focused. The rushing sensation lasted only seconds, and when they opened their eyes, they saw. 

            It was a large village, with many men and women wandering the streets, peering through windows. They all wore robes, and it was late afternoon. Andréa and Milena stared at the odd looking buildings scattered and cluttered together around the square. 

"Dis look like Hogsmeade," said Milena. 

"I teenk ve made it." 

"I _hope_ ve made it." 

Andréa walked over to a lady who was standing nearby, not far from a shop window, in which were several strange items. 

"Excuse me," she said. "Is dis Hogsmeade?" 

"Yes, it is," said the woman. 

Andréa turned back to Milena and gave her two thumbs up, and running back. 

"Ve're here! Ve're here!" she cried, dancing up and down. "Ve made it!" 

A massive grin spread across Milena's face. She joined Andréa and began to dance around the square, chanting 've made it!' all the way. When they had become tired, they stopped dancing. 

"But how do ve get to Hogvarts?" asked Andréa. 

"Ve follow the road back up," said Milena, pointing her finger at a road that led down into the village centre. A sign pointed back up the road. 

"Oh," said Andréa. "Ok." 

They set off up the long road, walking for a time, still dancing a little. They went along the road, past the occasional tree. The mountains rose up around them. Still they walked, confident that they would arrive at the castle soon. 

            Hours passed. They were still walking. It was getting darker and darker. The trees around them swayed in the wind. The road had sloped downwards now. A huge lake came into sight, and beyond it, an enormous castle. It was several storeys high and had large towers. The windows were lit with bright lights. The Quidditch pitch could be seen in the distance, and a tree was standing not far from it, alone. A large, dark forest stretched out on one side of the grounds. 

"Dis place is huge," said Andréa. 

"Durmstrang vas noteenk to dis," said Milena. 

"Don't let Karkaroff hear dat," giggled Andréa. "He very sensitive about dat stuff, short man syndrome… and I'm not talking about his height." 

They both laughed. 

 "Come on," said Andréa. "Ve're almost dere." 

"Tank got." 

"Qvit dat." 

"It vas your _fault_." 

"Don't start dat again." 

The girls came to the large oak doors and knocked…

* * * 

**A/N:** Vell, finally ve make it to Hogvarts, ve hope at least. Next chapter, vhat vill happen to us vhen ve valk through dose doors? Vait and see! REVIEW! GIVE A VUNDERFUL BIRTHDAY PRESSIE FOR YOUR FAVOURITE AUTHOR!!!

"Your fault it took so long" KK is pouting. 

"No… um, well, it is sort of, but DENIAL ISN'T JUST A RIVER IN EGYPT!" And Lisa has obviously decided to move there!

"Shuddup" 

**Thank yous:**

Eowyn – Thanks Nell, I thought the chocolate bit was a bit odd, but still funny (and besides, we're all odd) 

FrostDragoness – Hey Frosty, great that you liked it. Funnier than my usual stuff. I'll catch up with you before the end of the holidays hopefully. 

spiritlandez – I'm glad you don't think our characters are Mary Sues. We've been trying to make them as un-Mary Sue-ish as possible ;) and we hope they never get to be Mary Sues. God, how sad would that be. Lol. 

hids – I knew that was you, Franni. Hope you did well in your history speech. KK and I have been writing Chapter 4, so it should be up soon. 


	4. Hogwarts At Last

**A/N:** Hello people, ve're back vid anoder chapter for you all to read. Ve are so happy! Ve've finally reached Hogvarts! About blooty time too, don't you teenk? Read on, and find out vhat happens vhen ve enter dat big, scary castle… and meet… *dun dun DUN* *scary music* Harry Potter! 

**Disclaimer:** Ve have no permission from J.K. Rowling to write dis story, and if anyvun lets on dat ve're doink dis to her characters and alternate vorld, ve vill set Karkaroff on you! Get it? Got it? Goot! 

* * * Chapter 4: Hogwarts At Last 

            The doors opened to reveal a large, bright hallway with a grand marble staircase in the centre, which lead to a landing. There were hundreds of students filing through another set of doors on the right hand wall of the hall. 

As the great oak doors creaked open, each turned their attention to the two figures standing in the doorway. They were wearing the most unusual outfits. They posed, back-to-back, and smiled, standing like statues, their arms held in the air. 

"Ve're here!" the two girls cried. "Ve are de ring-ins from Beauxbatons." 

Silence. 

"Or not," said Milena. 

"Milena, did ve get it wrong again?" 

"No, dis is de right place. It had sign vid arrow pointing dis vay and 'Hogvarts' written on it." 

"Den, vhy are dey staring at us?" asked Andréa, looking around at the sea of faces with a furrowed brow. 

"I teenk it's your hat again," replied Milena, pointing to the furry Cossack hat sitting atop Andréa's head.  

"Vhat is de problem vid my goddamn hat?" exclaimed Andréa. "It's a nice hat!"  

The students were still staring at the two in silence. Andréa and Milena looked around the hall.

"I teenk dat ve're a leeeetle late," said Andréa. 

Milena glared at her, utterly unimpressed, and raised one eyebrow. 

"And who's fault vould dat be I vunder?" asked Milena sarcastically. 

"So sue me. I got us lost," said Andréa. "It vasn't _all_ my fault. Dat nice Fidel Castro man gave us directions, I just follow dem." 

"He vasn't _nice_," retorted Milena. "He try to _shoot_ us."  

"Ve got a lot of dat, didn't ve," said Andréa. "But even though he vas a complete prick, Cuba is such a beautiful place. De lights, de music, and de cute little old people." 

"You kept lookink at de singer, Ibrahim Ferrer, and saying, 'Milena, I vant vun.'" 

"How did you end up in Cuba?" asked a student standing near them, somewhat tentatively. 

"Ve took a wrong turn," said Andréa. "Left, near Portugal, I teenk. How'd ve get dere? You remember?" She appealed to Milena. 

"Nope," she said. "I remember somehow going to Finland. Not fun. Ve don't speak Finnish. Such a _stupid_ langvage." 

"For some reason," began Andréa, vaguely. "Finnish remind me of varnish." 

"Vhy exactly?" asked Milena, an exasperated expression on her face. 

"No idea," said Andréa, airily. "But because of dat, I never learnt langvage. I don't like to clean."  

At that moment, a tall old man with a long, white beard and half-moon glasses entered the hall. He saw the two girls and smiled, walking through the crowd towards them. 

"Ah," he said. "Andréa Dragomir and Milena Kovalev, I presume?" 

The girls nodded. 

"Welcome to Hogwarts," he said. "I am Professor Dumbledore." 

"Goot evenink, Professor Dumbledore" they said. "Ve are very happy to be here." 

"I am afraid that you are a little late," he said. "So, if you will join us for dinner now, and afterwards, you will be sorted." 

"Thank you, Professor," said Milena. 

"Boys," said Andréa, her eyes glittering. "Food. Hungry." 

"Hungry for vhich?" asked Milena. 

"Did you really have to ask? Both," said Andréa. 

Milena sighed and muttered something under her breath. 

They moved into the Great Hall. Four large banners hung around the hall, gold and crimson, bronze and blue, silver and green, and yellow and black, for the various Houses. Four long tables ran vertically down the hall and another horizontally at the head, on a raised platform, for the staff. 

"Take a seat at any one of the four house tables, and after you have eaten, you can be sorted and shown your rooms," said Dumbledore to the two girls. 

"Tank you, Professor," said Andréa. 

They each took a seat on the Gryffindor table, being the nearest to where they were standing. Both girls glanced around at the students sitting around them. Andréa caught Milena's arm frantically and pointed to a boy a few places along from them. 

"Dat is Harry Potter," she whispered. 

"Ja," said Milena. "I know." 

"Should ve introduce ourselves, you teenk?" 

"I vould have to agree vid you on dat." 

The girls stood up and moved along to sit opposite the boy. 

"Hello," said Andréa, smiling. "Ve are de new girls." 

"Yeah," said the boy. "I know." 

"My name is Andréa," she went on. "Dis is my friend, Milena." 

"Nice to meet you," he said. "My name's Harry Potter." 

"Ve know," said Milena. "You are legend even vhere ve come from. It's a hole." 

"And these are my friends," he went on. "Ron Weasley," pointing to the red-haired boy on his right, "and Hermione Granger," he finished, motioning to the brown-haired girl beside Ron. 

"A pleasure," said Milena. 

"Will you be going into Sixth Year?" asked Hermione. 

"Yes, ve vill," said Milena. "But ve obviously have vork ve need to catch up on before ve start." 

"Yes," said Hermione gravely. "You've missed the first week." 

"Big deal," said Andréa calmly. "Dat is easy. Vhat you fussink for? Is pointless." 

Hermione was silent, giving Ron a chance to speak. 

"So, where are you from?" he asked, mouth full of food. "Because you don't sound French." 

"Ve're not," replied Andréa. "Ve _most recently_ vere at Beauxbatons, before dat ve vent to Sveedish finishing school. Ve didn't finish though. Not to be confused vid Finnish, or varnish, as I call it."

"Ve vent to _Sviss_ finishing school," Milena corrected, looking at Andréa. "Ve don't speak Sveedish."

"But I tought ve vent to Sveedish Alps for skiing holiday?" asked Andréa, looking confused. 

"No, dat vas _Sviss_ Alps," said Milena, petulantly.  

"So dat's vhy dey vere looking at me funny," said Andréa, realisation dawning on her face. 

"Ja," said Milena. "Dat vould be vun reason. De other vould have been your outfit."

"Vell, anyvay," Andréa went on, "before that it vas a Spanish school if I remember correctly, and before that…. I forget, vell eventually ve're from Romania, I'm a gypsy and she's a Jew." 

She paused. 

"Vell, she's not, but you should have seen the looks on your faces," she finished. She cackled, and then changed to a serious one. 

"Vun vord about filthy gypsies and I slit your throat," she said, glaring stern-faced. The surrounding students backed away from her quickly. 

"I vas _jokink_," she said, laughing. "You guys! You're a cack!" 

"Andréa, don't frighten de tourists," said Milena. "Vhat do I keep tellink you." 

"Ve're de tourists," said Andréa. 

"Exactly," said Milena. "You're scarink me." 

Andréa laughed nervously. 

"Sorry." 

Harry piped up now, having said little for some time. 

"So, why did you come to Hogwarts, I mean, if you were at Beauxbatons?" 

"Ve got kicked out for doing a real magic show for muggles," began Milena. "At vun point, turning vun boy into a rabbit, and accidentally setting a cat on him. His mudder vasn't too happy." 

"Dat vas your idea," said Andréa. 

"De _cat_ vasn't." 

"De cat vas entirely it's own idea," said Andréa. "I don't know how dey knew about vhere ve vere doink de show. It vasn't common place dat ve performed. I svear I didn't tell dem. It might have said someteenk to dat cute guy vearing a suit…oh."

"And she didn't succeed in talking her vay out of dis vun," said Milena, "since it turned out he vas gay."

"Vhy are all de cute vuns _gay_?!?" cried Andréa, despairingly. 

They all laughed, even Hermione, who hadn't been impressed about the misuse of magic incident. 

"Well, you could both be considered troublemakers," said Harry. 

"More than troublemakers," retorted Hermione. "Law-breakers." 

"Disaster-makers!" said Andréa, excitedly. 

Milena glared at her. 

"Sorry," said Andréa, sheepishly. "I'll shut up now." 

Hermione rolled her eyes and looked a bit put out. 

"What's wrong, Hermione?" asked Ron. "I thought you'd gotten over the rule-breaking thing?" 

"I have," said Hermione, huffily. "But not breaking the laws of the wizarding world." 

"Oh, come on, Hermione," said Harry. "They were just having a bit of fun." 

"Yeah, but someone could have been badly hurt," she scolded. 

"De only vun who ever get hurt as a result of our pranks is dis vun here," said Andréa, pointing to Milena, who glared fiercely. 

They all laugh again. 

"Do you know about the Houses yet?" asked Harry. 

"No," replied both. 

"There are four," he went on. "Gryffindor, our house, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin." 

At that, the three cringed. 

"Draco Malfoy is in Slytherin," explained Ron. "He's a prat, and his father is in Azkaban." 

"He's not so bad now," said Hermione. "Better at least than he was before. Less prancing around as though he owns the place." 

"He's still a prat," said Ron.  

They pointed over to the far table where a blond-haired boy sat, smirking. Andréa and Milena glanced over at the boy they had pointed out. 

"He look like dat guy ve met at de Annual Gypsy Dancing by Firelight," Andréa commented. "He vash so hot. Except dat he vas a vampire." 

"You didn't seem to mind vhen he vas sucking your face," said Milena. 

"You vouldn't have either," said Andréa. "As long as he stay avay from my neck." 

"He didn't stay avay from your neck though."

"I meant in theory, and I didn't mind, he didn't bite… hard, and even if he did, he didn't take too much, and…"

"Please stop dere, vhat vas his name again?" 

"Spike, but later he tell me to call him Villiam."

"I don't vant to know vat happen later." 

"Vell actually notink happen," said Andréa. "Grandmama alvays used to say never lift your skirt for anyvun until you have de veddink ring. Though, she said notink about dem climbing under." 

Milena shook her head, while Harry and Ron shuddered at the thought of a Draco Malfoy look-alike under Andréa's skirt. Hermione didn't seem too disturbed. Even Milena agreed with Andréa, Draco was pretty goddamn sexy. 

"Gryffindor is for those who are brave, courageous, and daring," began Harry. "Ravenclaws are smart and hard-working; Hufflepuffs are loyal –" 

"So are dogs," said Andréa. 

"The Sorting Hat said that they were fair, true, and unafraid of toil," said Hermione. 

"As I said, get a dog," said Andréa. "Dey're better company, I bet." 

Harry and Ron suppressed smirks. 

"And finally," Harry went on. "Slytherins are cunning and will go to any length to get what they want." 

"Three guesses vhere Andréa vill be goink," said Milena, sardonically. 

"Better dan a goddamn Powderpuff," said Andréa.  

"That's Hufflepuff," said Hermione. 

"Vhat makes you teenk I care?" said Andréa. "Dis is me," she pointed to her face. "Not carink." 

"She's a Slytherin," muttered Ron to Harry, who nodded. 

"Vhat about you, Milena," said Andréa. "Not Ravenclaw, cos you got no intelligence, nor Gryffindor, cos you got brains, and not Slytherin, cos you got no evil streak. Maybe _you_ can be a dog." 

Milena glared at her, while Andréa was cackling. 

"I have an evil streak," rebuked Milena. 

"Ja, a seriously evil blonde streak," Andréa scoffed, rolling her eyes. "I mean it should be illegal to be dat dumb." 

Milena stared at Andréa icily. 

"Speak for yourself," she muttered. 

"If looks could kill…" said Harry. 

"Den she'd be dead a thousand times over," finished Milena. 

"Oh ya, I'm qvakink in my cute, little, red leather boots," said Andréa, sarcastically. 

"You know," said Milena, calmly. "Dey say dat red heads have been proven de dumbest of de hair colours." 

"I though dey say ve vere de smartest," said Andréa. 

"I rest my case," said Milena. 

"Vell you can't talk, you're a farkink Violet Crumble," said Andréa. 

"I am not," said Milena. "My hair isn't milk chocolate colour, it's dark." 

"What do you mean she's a Violet Crumble?" asked Harry. 

"It mean dat she brunette on de outside and blonde on de inside," explained Andréa. 

"Vell… den… you're an… unripe passionfruit!" said Milena, in frustration. 

Andréa exploded with laughter, nearly falling off her seat. 

"Dat's de _best_ you can come up vid?!" chortled Andréa. 

Milena turned on her best glare, screwing up her face in anger. 

"And darlink, dey're still purple vhen de're unripe," said Andréa, smirking and patting her patronisingly on the shoulder. 

Milena huffed and crossed her arms angrily. 

"See vhat I mean," said Andréa to the others. "Total flake." 

"Don't start vid de flakiness, cos you can't talk," scoffed Milena. She turned to face Harry and the others. "She got us lost seexteen times dis veek." 

"Seventeen," said Andréa. 

"See vhat _I_ mean," said Milena. 

Dumbledore rose from the Head table, approaching the Gryffindor table. He stopped in front of Andréa and Milena. 

"If you will please come to my office when you are finished eating, we can begin the Sorting," he said. 

The two nodded, and Dumbledore left them. 

"Vell, ve should be gettink on," said Andréa. 

"It vas nice meetink you," said Milena. 

"Toodles." 

The three waved as the girls walked towards the doorway of the Great Hall. They posed in the doorway, and called out to the Hall. 

"It's been great!" said Andréa. 

"Ve see you all later!" said Milena. 

In a puff of smoke and a flurry of colour, the girls vanished. Gasps and whispers, the odd scream rose up from the hall, as everyone frantically tried to figure out where the two had disappeared. 

* * * 

**A/N:** *Gasp* Crisis! We've lost the girls? Where could they have possibly gone?! Does anyone know? Anyone with suggestions for where to start the search, please review. If we find the girls, we might be able to continue the story. Please review, and we'll try as hard as we can to find them. 

Special thanks to: 

Earwen Colomanel – Thanks, Nell. I hope you liked this chapter. We haven't found the girls yet. If you see them, let us know. They're bound to screw up something and we are desperate to find them before they do some serious damage. 


	5. Lost and Found

A/N: I know, I know. It's been too long, but have you any idea how long it took us to find these nutcases? AGES! So here they are, lost (big surprise there).  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, and if J.K. Rowling knew what we were doing... makes choking sounds and funeral march plays. Get it?  
  
Chapter 5: Lost and Found  
  
The girls opened their eyes and blinked, hoping that the smoke and coloured ribbons had disappeared. It was pitch black, and they had no idea where they were. The only thing they could see was the glittering of the other's eyes.  
  
"Milena," whispered Andréa. "Dis not look like Dumbledore's office."  
  
Milena turned 360°, staring around the space they were in. Her arms were held out in front of her, feeling for any recognisable objects. She stopped.  
  
"Andréa. Ve are in de closet."  
  
"Oh," said Andréa. "Dat's... not goot."  
  
"Ve need to find de door," said Milena.  
  
They began fumbling in the dark for anything resembling a doorknob or handle.  
  
"Argh! Dat's my farking nose you just thumped!" cried Milena.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Hey, hands of de cleavage!" yelled Andréa.  
  
"Dat vasn't me," said Milena cautiously.  
  
Silence.  
  
"AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
The two girls began frantically groping for the handle until finally the door swung open. They whipped around to see who or what had been in there with them.  
  
It was a thick leather glove hanging from a peg.  
  
"AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
"Andréa. Andréa. De glove is not movink."  
  
"Oh," said Andréa. "Right."  
  
The girls glanced around at where they now stood.  
  
"Vhere are ve?" asked Andréa.  
  
Milena shrugged her shoulders.  
  
"Ve can't get too lost vandering around here."  
  
They began to walk along the corridor. They passed moving pictures, which assured that they were still inside the castle, until they came to a large archway that led to a platform. They gazed up at the hundreds of staircases above their heads.  
  
"Vhich vun do ve take to Dumbledore's office?" asked Milena.  
  
"Maybe ve ask vun of de piccies," suggested Andréa. "Dey look friendly enough."  
  
She glanced around for a decent portrait, and decided on a young girl in a white dress in what appeared to be an English garden background. She was fluffing her hair.  
  
"Hello," said Andréa. "Vould you know where ve need to go to find Professor Dumbledore's office?"  
  
"No, now bugger off and leave me to beautify myself," snapped the girl rudely. "I have a visitor coming soon."  
  
"Darlink, dere's noteenk you can do for dat face," said Andréa. "Dogs stay as dogs; dey can't turn into prettiful kittycats."  
  
The girl gave her an exasperated and icy glare as Andréa turned away.  
  
"Dat vas cruel," said Milena warningly.  
  
"Ja, I know," said Andréa, brow furrowed. "I had to look at dat face for a whole two meenutes."  
  
She and Milena snorted.  
  
"Vell, so much for de sveet and innocent," said Milena.  
  
"Now, ve try dat knight over dere," suggested Andréa.  
  
She and Milena approached the knight in the portrait opposite them. He smiled as they neared him.  
  
"Good evening, ladies," he said. "How may I be of service?"  
  
"Vould you be kind enough to tell us vhich vay to Dumbledore's office?" asked Milena.  
  
"Of course," he said. "But I request a small fee from each of you."  
  
"Ve give you leettle kiss on cheek vill be fine," said Milena.  
  
The knight nodded.  
  
"Ok," she said.  
  
They leant over to the portrait and each pecked him on a cheek.  
  
"I teenk I svallowed paint chips," whined Andréa, screwing up her face. "You're flaking."  
  
"Now, tell us vhich vay to Dumbledore's?"  
  
"Not yet," said the knight. "I request one other thing."  
  
"Listen meester," warned Andréa. "You're pushink your luck vid dis flirting. Remember. You're dead. You really teenk you got any shot?"  
  
"Tell us vhere Dumbledore's office is," demanded Milena.  
  
The knight gave up and pointed the way to the third floor corridor.  
  
"You'll find a statue of a phoenix there," he said. "But I don't know about the password."  
  
"Tank you for your help," said Milena, obligingly.  
  
The girls made their way up the stairs to the third floor corridor and walked along the passageway until they reached the large statue. A tall lady with grey hair fastened tightly into a bun, and dressed in long bottle- green robes was standing there.  
  
"Good evening, girls," she said. "I am Professor McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress of this school. Professor Dumbledore is waiting for you."  
  
She smiled at them, and turned to the statue.  
  
"Sugar Quills."  
  
The statue moved to reveal a large spiral staircase that appeared to go on forever. McGonagall signalled for the girls to proceed up the steps, and left them.  
  
The stair went on, for what seemed like forever. It grew darker as they moved further on, the candles flickered, and a gentle draft passed upwards from the ground below. Finally, they reached a large, heavy wooden door, which opened as they stepped towards it.  
  
It was a huge, high, circular room, with hundreds of portraits of old Headmasters and Headmistresses of Hogwarts hanging on the walls. Odd gadgets were scattered around the room, and thousands of books stacked high in bookshelves on the walls at the back of the room. In the centre of the room was a large oak desk, and standing beside it, was Dumbledore, holding a tatty wizards hat. He smiled brightly at them as they entered, still gazing around.  
  
"Dis a nice place you got here, Professor," said Andréa, nodding.  
  
"Thank you," said Dumbledore. "I quite like it. Now, if you're ready, shall we begin?"  
  
The hat in Dumbledore's hands opened a flap at the front above the brim, and began to sing about the school houses, and their various personalities found in each.  
  
"Veird hat," muttered Andréa.  
  
"Ja," agreed Milena, watching it with a perplexed expression on her face.  
  
"Novhere near as nice as mine," she added. "And it sound crap too."  
  
When the hat had finished, Dumbledore held up the hat and motioned for Andréa to step forward. She did so, still watching the hat hesitantly, apprehensive about whether it would burst into song again. Dumbledore placed the hat on her head.  
  
"SLYTHERIN!" shouted the hat.  
  
"See, vhat did I say," said Milena, as Andréa waled back over, an evil smirk on her face.  
  
Milena walked up to the hat, and Dumbledore placed it on her head.  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!" it cried.  
  
"My got!" said Andréa, slapping her head. "Dat vas a surprise."  
  
She smirked.  
  
"Shuddup," said Milena, glaring at Andréa. "De hat know better dan you do."  
  
"Darlink," said Andréa, looking closely at Milena. "De hat sings. Enough said."  
  
"You saying de hat is wrong?" asked Milena. "It did, after all, put you in Slytherin."  
  
"Is not hard to tell dat I belong in Slytherin, I mean, look at me," said Andréa. "But you, dat is more challenging decision for poor leettle hat."  
  
"Vhat about Neville?"  
  
"He prove himself to be brave," explained Andréa. "You haven't."  
  
"De number of times I save your ass, should count for someteenk," muttered Milena.  
  
Andréa still wasn't convinced, and shrugged it off. They turned back to Dumbledore as he spoke.  
  
"I shall send for two guides to show you to your respective houses."  
  
He took a handful of Floo powder and tossed it into the flames of the fireplace. A head, a boys head, appeared in the green flames. The rest of his body followed and he fell tumbling out of the fireplace onto the floor. He picked himself up, dusting his robes and smiled at the girls and Dumbledore. A second face appeared in the flames, sneering and pug-like. A girl stepped out of the fireplace. She glanced at the two girls.  
  
"This is Dean Thomas and Pansy Parkinson," said Dumbledore. "They will show you to your houses. Your belongings have been taken to your rooms."  
  
Dean and Pansy glared at each other and walked to the door of Dumbledore's office, pushing each other aside to get through.  
  
"Dey're vorse dan ve are," muttered Andréa.  
  
She paused for a minute to consider this statement.  
  
"Actually," she went on. "No. Ve're vorse."  
  
The two girls left Dumbledore's office and made their way down the spiral staircase to the corridor. Dean and Pansy were waiting for them, and as they came down, turned their separate ways. Andréa turned to Milena.  
  
"Vell, here ve have come to de Parting of de Vays," said Andréa.  
  
"Qvit qvotink de farking books," said Milena. "Ve agree, exchanging of passvords."  
  
"Deal. Ve vant to be able to visit eachoder."  
  
"I shall see you tomorrow morning, den," said Milena.  
  
"Have fun vid de Gryffies," said Andréa.  
  
They shook hands and followed their various guides. Dean and Milena proceeded along the corridor and up another staircase, making their way to the Seventh Floor. Pansy and Andréa returned to the stairwells on the lower floors, heading for the dungeons far below.  
  
Pansy hurried down the grand staircase and away to the right, down flight after flight of steps, with Andréa in hot pursuit. They were now in the heart of the dungeons, and still, Pansy rushed ahead. Andréa was getting impatient and irate.  
  
"Somehow," she said. "I get de feelink dat you're tryink to loose me. I have no idea vhere dat thought might come from."  
  
Pansy said nothing in response to this, only grunted and continued ahead.  
  
Finally, the two girls stopped in front of what appeared to be a dead end. A large stone wall rose up before them. Andréa looked very impressed.  
  
"Really, gettink lost on de vay to your own house, I commend you," she said, applauding. "Vait til I tell Milena dat dere's somevun in de vorld vid vorse sense of direction dan me."  
  
Pansy swung around and flashed an angry look at her, then turned back to the wall.  
  
"Dark Arts," she said clearly, holding her head high.  
  
The wall opened to reveal a large, dim tunnel that led down to the Slytherin common room.  
  
"Meh, I vas wrong," said Andréa, shrugging.  
  
Pansy and Andréa proceeded to the common room. Andréa stared around at the group of people gathered, who were standing or seated on one of the many green leather sofas and armchairs. She recognised the blond boy from the Great Hall and was about to walk over, but Pansy beat her to it. She followed. The boy turned his attention to them.  
  
"Who's this?" he drawled, nodding at Andréa.  
  
"The new girl from Beauxbatons," sneered Pansy. "She's been sorted into Slytherin."  
  
"Are you pureblood?" asked another boy snidely.  
  
"Can trace father's family back to Villiam de Conqueror," said Andréa, nonchalantly.  
  
"But William the Conqueror wasn't a wizard," said Pansy, pompously.  
  
"I never said he vas," said Andréa. "I only say dat my family has been around since Villiam de Conqueror."  
  
They both nodded approvingly, and Andréa flashed a grin at them. A low snarl could be heard from Pansy.  
  
"I'm Malfoy. Draco Malfoy," said the blond boy.  
  
"I know who you are," said Andréa smirking. "My name is Andréa Dragomir."  
  
"Pleasure," said Draco, extending a hand, but just as Andréa was about the take it, Pansy pulled her up the stairs muttering something about her dormitory.  
  
They entered a large room, inside which were four beds; one was empty. Beside it were Andréa's belongings and luggage, along with an empty cage.  
  
"Much obliged," muttered Andréa. "But I teenk I'll be goink now."  
  
She pulled away from Pansy and wandered back down the stairs to where Draco was waiting. She tossed her red hair over one shoulder and flashed her emerald green eyes at Draco.  
  
"I vas just vundering if you could show me around," she asked as sweetly as possible, fluttering her eyelashes. "I'm sure I vill get lost."  
  
Draco smirked and held out an arm, which Andréa took.  
  
Malfoy led her to the tunnel to the entrance and out. Pansy watched them disappear into the darkness of the dungeons. They were gone from some time; and when they returned, Pansy was still waiting for them, glaring impatiently at Andréa, who shrugged innocently.  
  
"Tank you very much," she said to Draco. "Dat vas very – " she glanced at Pansy, "– informative."  
  
She brushed her shoulder as she passed and headed up to her dormitory to unpack.  
  
Dean and Milena climbed up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower and wandered along the corridor of the Seventh Floor, before coming to a large portrait of a fat lady wearing a pink dress.  
  
"Password," she said.  
  
"Weasley's Wizard Wheezes," said Dean.  
  
The portrait opened, and Dean and Milena stepped inside the Gryffindor common room. Milena spotted Harry, Ron and Hermione sitting near the fireplace.  
  
"There you are," said Hermione. "We all wondered where you'd gone."  
  
"How did you do it?" asked Ron in awe.  
  
"It vas magic," said Milena, smirking. "I no tell."  
  
"Well, anyway, it's nice to see you again," said Harry. "You've been sorted into Gryffindor?"  
  
"Tis true," said Milena.  
  
"What about your friend?" asked Ron.  
  
"Andréa? She vas sorted into Slytherin."  
  
A hush fell over the room.  
  
"Vhaa-aat? She is nice person, very pleasant, just – not too bright."  
  
Some of the group snickered.  
  
"You met her, you know vhat I is talkink about," said Milena, appealing to Harry.  
  
Harry nodded.  
  
"I definitely agree that she is friendly," he said.  
  
"Would you like me to show you to your room?" asked Hermione.  
  
"Dat vould be nice," said Milena, and followed her up to the Sixth Year girls' dormitories.  
  
Inside the large circular room were five, four-poster beds. Beside one of them, Milena recognised her belongings and a large cage, in which was a golden eagle.  
  
"Poor darlink," said Milena, hurrying over and kneeling on the floor beside the bird. "Didn't dey look after you?"  
  
She opened the door of the cage and the eagle stepped onto her arm, settling there. Milena stood up and walked back to Hermione, who was staring at the bird with shining eyes.  
  
"She's gorgeous," she gasped.  
  
"Her name is Camilia," said Milena. "I've had her since I vas seven. But vhen ve got her, ve didn't know she'd eat my grass snake, Irina."  
  
Milena wandered over to the window and opened it, holding her arm out. The bird launched herself off and soared out over the grounds to the Forbidden Forest.  
  
"She need to eat," she said. "She'll come back later tonight. In de meantime, I should unpack."  
  
Hermione nodded and left Milena in peace, rejoining her friends in the common room.  
  
A/N: Ok, what did you think? Crap? I agree. We haven't gotten to the fun yet. Next chapter, the girls are set loose in the castle. What kind of mischief will they cook up? Who is the mysterious new DADA professor? And does Andréa have it in for Pansy? (DUH!) Find out next in the exciting new instalment of Romani Girls (ok, now I'm starting to sound like one of those corny commercials... wait! That's what I am!). I promise, it'll be finished soon. I swear to you, soon. We'll meet Andréa's pet. What sort of monstrous, evil creature will it be? Find out.  
  
Thanks to:  
  
Earwen Colomanel – Thanks Nell, glad you liked it. I know I sent you this chapter already, lol. Hope you like the next chapter. 


	6. Secrets and Mayhem

**A/N:** Brilliant! I finally got the next chapter up! I have to say, it's been too long. I'm working on Chapter 7 at the moment. I must mention that the character of Jodie was done as a present for a friend's 18th. Happy Birthday Moz, for several weeks ago! It was two weeks late when she got it, and now it's finally being posted. Yay! So now, I present for your comedic pleasure, Romani Girls Chapter 6!

**Disclaimer:** We do not steal, we do not lie, and, although suspicious, we do not try. (I'd like to say that no poetic devices were harmed during the making of this rather pathetic rhyme, but we all know that's not true)

* * *

**Chapter 6: Secrets and Mayhem**

When Hermione had left, Milena checked that the door was locked. She hurried back to her luggage and began rummaging through her things, drawing out a small square mirror from a velvet pouch. She looked at it and said in a clear voice: 'Andréa Dragomir'. Andréa's face appeared in the mirror.

"It's about blooty time," she said. "Vhere de fark vere you?"

"I had to get Hermione out before I could talk, and Camilia vas hungry," she explained. "Vhat have I missed?"

"Vell," began Andréa. "I'm in de Slytherin common room; I've already made an enemy, and have succeeded in making Draco Malfoy my life-long slave."

Milena looked impressed.

"And how have you done dis? Any dark magic involved?"

"De only magic involved vould be my dazzling good looks."

Milena rolled her eyes.

"Should I pretend to be surprised?"

"No. You can't act for shit," said Andréa. "Save yourself de trouble."

"Ok den, should ve exchange passvords?" asked Milena.

"Ja, goot idea. Our passvord is 'dark arts'."

"De passvord here is 'Veasley's Vizard Vheezes'."

"Ok, cool." Said Andréa. "So how is Camilia?"

"She's a bit ruffled from de trip, and is currently out hunting. Vhat about Nelu?" asked Milena.

"He's – "

"AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!"

A loud scream came from Pansy's room. Andréa glanced around.

"Should I ask?"

"Best not to for now," said Andréa. "I have to go. Talk to you later."

Andréa disappeared from the mirror. Milena placed her own back in its pouch and buried it amongst her things again.

Pansy had come flying out of her room and leapt into Draco's arms, who dropped her promptly. Andréa stepped out of her room.

"Vhat de fark is goink on out here?" she asked.

She saw a squirrel monkey scuttle out of Pansy's dorm and run towards her.

"Ah," she nodded.

"GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!" yelled Pansy, backing away.

Andréa calmly descended to the common room and gave a short whistle. The monkey turned and ran to her, climbing up her arm and perching itself on her shoulder.

"Goot boy," she muttered to the monkey, giving it something from her hand. The monkey devoured it hastily.

"I'm terribly sorry," said Andréa dramatically. "I forgot to mention dat I brought my pet monkey vid me from Romania. His name is Nelu. He does not bite – much. He's really very friendly, I svear."

Andréa affectionately petted Nelu, who lifted his head as she scratched under his chin. A chorus of 'aww' could be heard from her audience.

"See vhat I mean," she went on, smiling pleasantly. "Harmless leettle ting, aren't you Nelu?"

Nelu stared at them wide eyed, looking adorable.

"I'll take him back to his room now," she said.

As she turned around, Nelu turned back to Pansy and hissed at her. She backed away further. Andréa smirked to herself.

Milena went back downstairs to where Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting, and joined them as they sat by the fire. A girl with long, brown hair entered the common room, pinning a notice up on the board and then going upstairs to her room.

"Who vas dat?" she asked.

"Katie Bell," said Harry. "New Gryffindor Quidditch captain. Amazing chaser. But she's the only one now, since Angelina and Alicia left last year."

"Vell, I play chaser," said Milena.

"Really?" said Harry, sounding interested. "We could use a good chaser this year. Slytherin's got a nasty team lined up."

"It's gonna get vorse vunce Andréa gets on," muttered Milena.

"What."

"Noteenk."

"What classes are you taking?" asked Hermione, changing the subject.

"Vell, I'm doing Defence Against de Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Charms, Herbology, Potions, Arithmancy, Care of Magical Creatures and Heestory of Magic."

"Really?" exclaimed Hermione. "I wouldn't have – I mean – that's a surprise."

"What about Andréa?" asked Harry.

"She vill be doing de same, only replacing Arithmancy vid Divination."

Ron snorted.

"Andréa? Divination?"

"She's qvite goot actually," said Milena. "I still claim dat is not hard to predict vun of her screw-ups."

Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at each other.

"Does she know who's teaching it?" asked Harry.

"Ja, some voman named Trelawney," replied Milena.

"She's a loony," said Ron. "She predicted Harry was going to die. Twice."

Milena was silent and looked around awkwardly.

"Vell – you know dat you vill die eventually, so really, she is right in a sense," she said. "Perhaps not de timink, but who can know for certain. Personally, I teenk it all a load of crap. I like to know dat I have control over my life."

"Exactly," said Hermione, enthusiastically.

Ron and Harry stared at her.

"Oh, and Harry," said Milena. "Ve – dat is Andréa and I – ve know about your godfather."

"How?" asked Harry.

"Let's just say dat – ve – heard it somevhere," she said.

Harry looked positively confused. Milena frowned.

"Ve _are_ in de Sixth Year, aren't ve?"

"Yes," said Harry.

"Oh goot," she sighed. "For a minute dere I thought Seerius vas still – I mean, not – dead," she corrected.

The trio looked at each other and shrugged.

"It's getting late," said Hermione. "We should go to bed."

They all agreed and proceeded to their respective dormitories. Hermione and Milena joined Lavender and Parvarti in the Sixth Year girls dorm, while Harry and Ron headed for the Sixth Year boys dorm they shared with Neville, Dean and Seamus. Milena lay awake for some time, thinking about what she had almost said. She had better watch what came out of her mouth or she would find herself in another predicament.

Meanwhile, in the Slytherin common room, Andréa was doing what she did best. Stirring up trouble. She was seated on the green, leather sofa beside Draco, with the entire male population of Slytherin congregated around her. Her legs were crossed, one arm resting on the arm of the sofa, the other beside her, a hand creeping on to Draco's knee. Nelu was perched on her shoulder, looking perfectly content. Pansy stood back from the group, glaring fiercely.

"Tank you all," said Andréa. "I feel so at home. Everyvun has been so nice to me, being new and everyteeng,"

A murmer of agreement, nods and grins spread across the group.

"Do you play Quidditch?" asked a tall, burly Seventh Year boy.

"Vell, I did in Romania," said Andréa. "A leettle anyvay. And I teenk dat ve play by different rules."

"What position?" asked the boy.

"Beater," said Andréa.

The boy raised his eyebrows and muttered something inaudible to the boy beside him. Andréa hid the satisfaction she felt and waited patiently.

"We want you on the team," he said. "Our other beaters are crap."

He glanced at Crabbe and Goyle.

"You vant me?" said Andréa meekly, batting her eyelashes. "I'm so flattered."

The rest of the common room made signs of agreement. The Seventh Year boy spoke again.

"Tryouts are on Thursday afternoon," he said. "Hope to see you there."

Andréa smiled and nodded.

"Vell," she said at last. "I am rather fatigued from my trip. I teenk I might go to bed now. Goot night everyvun."

She rose from the sofa and made for the girls dormitory, glancing back at Draco and Pansy. She smirked, and entered her room, closing the door behind her.

The following morning came sooner than expected. After such an eventful time the previous day, it was difficult for the school to settle back into regular routine and classes. Milena and Andréa however anticipated further mischief; after all, they were masters of that.

Milena was the first awake in her dorm the next morning. She stared around the room, observing her fellow roommates. She climbed out of bed quietly, so as not to disturb anyone, and took up the little two-way mirror.

"Andréa Dragomir," she muttered.

The mirror remained black and cloudy. Milena sighed. She was probably still asleep. Milena laid the mirror back on her bedside table and dressed in her new Hogwarts robes. The skirt was much shorter than the normal. Probably had Andréa to thank for that. Andréa always had a tendency to make the clothes more tight fitting or exposing, which Milena often didn't agree to. When she was dressed, she went down to the common room to sit for a little while. She hadn't expected to find Harry there, and definitely not at it with a girl, whose face was concealed behind her blonde hair.

"Vell, dis is a surprise," said Milena.

The two leapt apart. Harry brushed his robes in a nervous fashion, while the girl fixed her hair.

"I didn't expect to find you here vid a blonde girl attached to your face. I saw you as more of a redhead person, but hey, day's just my opinion. I just thought, since you're De-Boy-Who-Lived, you could get better catch."

"Hey," exclaimed the blonde. "Are you saying that I'm not good enough?"

"Of course not dear," said Milena in a patronising voice. "I'm sure dat you're very special."

The blonde folded her arms crossly and looked at Harry to defend her. Harry shuffled his feet nervously and looked at Milena.

"Uh, Milena," he said. "This is Jodie."

Milena eyed Jodie with a raised eyebrow and coughed. Jodie glared and tapped her foot.

"Jodie, this is Milena, the new girl from Romania," said Harry quickly, in an attempt to prevent an ensuing argument between the two girls.

"Nice to meet you," said Milena, holding out a hand.

Jodie took it reluctantly, and upon seeing that Milena was not going to refute the introduction, smiled.

"Pleasure," said Jodie.

The rest of the house was beginning to wake up. Hermione had joined them in the common room. She looked at Jodie and Milena.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Nothing," said all three.

Hermione sighed and shook her head, leaving it at that.

A few minutes later, after Ron had finally dragged himself out of bed, the five headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Waiting for them at the entrance was Andréa.

"Goot morning peeple," she said cheerfully.

She stared at Jodie.

"Who's dis?" she asked.

"This is Jodie," said Harry. "She's our Gryffindor beater."

"Ah, so you're goink to be de vun who gets de crap kicked out of dem by me, are you?" said Andréa, grinning evilly and giggling.

Jodie's eyes opened wide in horror.

"She vas jokink," interjected Milena, puching her friend in the arm.

"No I vasn't," argued Andréa. "I'm de new Sleetherin beater."

"Oh shit," said Milena. "Please tell me you're kiddink."

Andréa shook her head and smirked.

"Farkink hell," groaned Milena. "Last time I play against you, I vake up after 3 day concussion."

"Den I guess you can blame me for the mental damage you suffered," said Andréa. "Is becomink more obvious every day."

She laughed.

"Oh shuddup," said Milena. "Is not funny anymore. It gettink lame."

"Not for me," grinned Andréa. "Is still funny."

They entered the Great Hall and sat at their tables. Both Milena and Andréa were grateful for a decent meal, having eaten little for the past few weeks. The two girls received their timetables, sent by Dumbledore. Ron's owl, Pigwidgeon had brought the Daily Prophet for him. Milena caught sight of Camilia holding a parcel in her talons.

"Clear de table," she called out. "She's comink in to land."

Camilia glided down gracefully, her wings sweeping several plates on to the floor.

"Vhoops."

Milena took the parcel from her and handed her a piece of toast to nibble at. Andréa came over to see what she had, standing behind Milena. She ripped the paper off to reveal a large, lidded box. She opened it and cried out, smiling.

"My darlink leettle baby," she said, drawing out a metre-long python.

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Jodie stared at the python.

"Darling?" asked Harry.

"Little?" exclaimed Ron.

"Baby?" queried Jodie.

"A python?" said Hermione.

Milena nodded proudly.

"Her name is Rhianna," she said. "She's my pet."

Andréa, who was standing behind Milena, was mouthing things like 'crazy' and 'metal case', twirling her finger in circles near one ear. Milena held up a fist at her without turning around.

"You vant me to knock your teeth in, Andréa?" she asked.

"No, I'm happy vid vhere dey are now, tank you," Andréa replied.

"Den enough vid de mime show," continued Milena.

Breakfast continued with little disruption or dispute after this, and soon it was time for their first class. Defence Against the Dark Arts with Slytherin, and the new professor. Harry, Ron and Hermione led the way to the third floor, Jodie, Andréa and Milena following close behind. There was already a small contingency of students there.

"Vhat's de professor like?" asked Andréa.

"He's terrible," groaned Ron. "He's like Umbridge and Snape in one. Why can't Dumbledore get a decent professor like Lupin again?"

"He isn't a very good teacher either," commented Hermione.

"Ve'll have to see about dat," said Milena, glancing at Andréa.

They took their sears, waiting for the professor. It wasn't long before he arrived, strutting inside, head held high, a grimace on his face.

"Good morning," he snapped. "Take out your books and open to page 47."

The class did so in silence, with the exception of Andréa. She rustled loudly through her bag, the papers on her desk, attracting as much attention as possible. The professor glared fiercely at her.

"Who are you?" he growled.

The class turned their eyes to Andréa, who sat perfectly calmly.

"My name Andréa," she said. "I am new student come from Romania, previous school Beauxbatons. Is friend Milena dere."

She pointed to Milena who was sitting in the seat in front of her and made her most innocent looking face.

"Yes. The new girls. Please take out your books in silence."

Andréa said nothing, but continued to rustle through her bag, speaking to Milena in Russian, somewhat noisily.

"I said SILENTLY!" roared the professor.

Andréa was mock startled, as was Milena, and they began to work. Time passed in the class. Andréa and Milena made no further trouble for the professor. No trouble, that is, until an opportune moment came along.

The class were in a state of deep concentration. The professor had turned his back on them, and was writing instructions on the board for how to capture an Ashwinder. It was then that Andréa caught sight of something on his desk. This something was a statuette paperweight. Andréa's eyes glittered with malice and she tapped Milena on the shoulder, whispering the plan in her ear. Milena grinned and nodded. Andréa reached into her bag, withdrawing a small plastic pouch, containing an odd looking green and blue substance. She passed it to Milena, who was close to the front of the room. Milena innocently stood up, pretending that she was retrieving another quill from the table near the desk. Slowly bending over, she tore open the top of the bag and poured the contents underneath the desk, then tucked the bag in her pocket.

The class was transfixed as they watched the grunge slowly spread, increasing in size. It had now formed a small puddle of murky water under the desk. The professor turned back to the class.

"The Ashwinder is a tricky creature," he said. "Though not dangerous, it can cause wildfires if left unattended."

The puddle was growing.

"Can anyone tell me what Ashwinders thrive on?" he asked.

Silence.

"Surely, Miss Granger," he drawled. "You have a response."

Hermione shook her head.

The puddle had become a pool, inching closer and closer to the professor's feet.

"You all seem far too quiet today," he said, eying the room suspiciously.

No one answered.

Then, the pool spread past his feet. With a cry of shock, he slid into the swamp that had now engulfed the space under his desk. The desk itself was beginning to sink, not withstanding the marsh-like surface underneath. The professor struggled to climb out of the swamp.

"What is this? I demand to know who has done this!" he roared.

Andréa and Milena looked at each other and laughed. The class soon joined in, enjoying this display of public humiliation. They all stood up and exited the classroom, leaving the professor floundering in a muddy pond.

Outside, the girls were joined by Harry, Ron, Hermione and Jodie.

"Hey, that was really cool," said Ron.

"Yeah," said Harry. "Where'd you get the portable swamp kit?"

"Fred and George heard dat ve vere coming to Hogvarts," said Milena. "So dey gave us de kit as a velcome present, insisting dat ve use it on an annoying professor."

"Vait until de Potions lesson," said Andréa, flashing her famous evil grin.

* * *

**A/N:** Watch out Prof. Snape, the girls are coming to Potions... oy, not good... trouble is bound to... well... be, with them around. I know, that wasn't my typical cliffhanger, but I thought it was a better ending, considering that I have no idea how long the next one will take. I hope you liked the swamp. I thought that Fred and George's famous memorial had to be repeated. And, yes, Gred and Forge will ake their appearance later on, and that'snot all we will see of Nelu and Pansy, or Jodie, for that matter. Evil grin And prepare yourselves for... dun dun dun... Draco the amazing bouncing ferret! (Note: This may not occur for several more chapters) 

Lisa


	7. Potent Potion Problem

**A/N:** Many months have passed… hell, I think it's been over a year since I updated. I've been busy… working on my novel. But here is the long-awaited (scoffs) Chapter 7.

**Disclaimer:** No characters belonging to J.K Rowling were harmed during the writing of this chapter. True, Pansy's going to be feeling its effects for weeks, and Snape will be slightly singed, but nothing major.

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**Chapter 7: Potent Potion Problem**

Professor Severus Snape, the bane of all Hogwarts students from the moment they first set foot on school ground, and sometimes, even off it. He was a shady, mysterious character that no one knew much about, and weren't game to find out. It was a new year. Snape was none too enthused about that. But something was different, and soon he would find out what.

Andréa and Milena followed Harry and Hermione to the dungeons. Jodie and Ron were happy to gloat at the top of the stairs, having dropped Potions. The air was muggy on the lower floors of the castle, filled with various aromas of herbs and other potion ingredients.

The dungeon was quieter than usual, even with the number of students assembled; but given the circumstances no one was surprised. Snape, fortunately, had not arrived. There were some seats left at the front of the room, to which Harry and Hermione cringed. They took their places at the remaining bench. Snape burst through the doors, black robes flying, just as they had retrieved their books. Snape swept up to the head of the room and folded his arms neatly across his chest.

'Advanced Potions,' he began, his dark eyes scanning the room. 'You are here because you are the best of your class.'

At this, he grimaced.

'Which, given your results, leaves much to be desired,' he finished.

Andréa and Milena were sitting in front of him, big smiles on their faces. He stared at them, scowling menacingly.

'You must be the new students,' he sneered. 'I will tell you now, I will not accept that as an excuse. You will keep up or I will fail you. Your education at Beauxbatons will scarcely suffice for what you will be undertaking here. Do you understand?'

They both nodded, smiling cheerily. Snape growled and turned away.

'Today, you will be brewing a very basic potion for Sixth Year students. If you cannot successfully brew it, I will be surprised if you can complete this course at all.'

He turned away and began to write the ingredients and instructions on the board to copy down, which they all did swiftly.

'You may begin,' he said brusquely.

Everyone got to work, not a word said amongst them. The ingredients were simple enough, no risk to those preparing them. Milena worked carefully on hers, as she had been taught to do at home, slicing the ingredients into neat, miniscule pieces, separating them into piles for cooking. When she was done, she folded her arms and rested them on the bench.

Andréa had been chopping her potion ingredients for the past few minutes, perfectly, but violently, and was still holding the knife, conversing with another Slytherin and gesturing with the knife. The Slytherin in question was uncomfortably, watching carefully as the serrated edge of the blade came closer and closer to her face. Snape watched her carefully, questioning what to do. He approached her bench slowly.

'Put the knife down,' he said.

'Oh – ok,' said Andréa, glancing at the knife in her hand and dropping it onto the bench.

Snape shook his head.

'Well,' he said. 'Are you going to continue?'

Andréa looked at him.

'I'm just waiting for my cauldron to boil,' she said bluntly.

She went back to her potion, mixing in the ingredients to perfection. There was silence as Snape stalked around the dungeon inspecting the progress of his class, every so often barking instructions to clumsy students.

'Remember to stir your potion periodically,' he ordered. 'If you don't, it may cause unconsciousness rather than merely sleep.'

The potions were now ready to be collected in phials, when suddenly, Andréa's cauldron exploded with tremendous force, leaving everything and everyone around it charred. Milena shot a fierce glare at Andréa who looked wide-eyed and as innocent as she could.

'Vhaa-aat?' she asked. 'I svear, I didn't do it on purpose.'

'Vat de fark did you do?' asked Milena, exasperated.

Andréa shuffled her feet.

'Vell – I might have _accidentally_ knocked dis teeng of powder into de cauldron.'

'Vhat vas de powder?'

Andréa looked sheepishly at her.

'Explosives – dat react potently vhen in high temperature.'

Snape was standing in front of Andréa, his face distorted with fury, observing the chaos. Andréa whipped out a phial from inside her robes and grinned sheepishly.

'Goot news, I saved some of de potion for marking.'

Milena shook her head.

'I don't believe you,' she said. 'Vhat did I say about explosions?'

'Don't remember,' said Andréa nonchalantly.

Milena shot her a look and growled. Andréa turned back to Snape and smiled sweetly.

'Sorry,' she said perkily.

'Fifty points from Gryffindor,' he said coolly. 'And you will clean up this mess in detention this afternoon. Without magic.'

Andréa opened her eyes wide and looked around, pouting slightly. Milena looked aghast.

'Gryffindor?' she asked. 'But – she's in Slytherin!'

'Fine,' snapped Snape. 'Twenty points from Gryffindor.'

Milena's jaw dropped.

Outside in the corridor, Ron came to meet them.

'So, how was Potions?' he asked.

Milena glared and pointed to Andréa.

'It's _her_ fault ve just had _tventy_ points taken from _Greeffindor_!'

'Well, it wouldn't be Potions if Gryffindor didn't have _some_ points taken away,' said Harry.

They all looked at Andréa who stared at her feet, shuffling them back and forth. She looked up to the many pairs of eyes on her.

'Vhaa-aat? So I blew up a cauldron, beeg deal!' she whined. 'And I have a detention dis afternoon… cleaning de dungeons… vid most loathed professor in de school ok I see your point. But how bad can it be?'

Silence.

'Again, not helpink here,' said Andréa.

No one spoke.

'Do you _vant _me to feel bad all day because Snape took points from you?' exclaimed Andréa.

Milena coughed and shot a sidewards glance and Andréa, but received a sharp glare in return.

'De answer lies vithin your own vords,' said Milena.

Andréa looked around airily and then glanced back again, smiling sheepishly.

'Vhoops.'

Milena looked murderously at her friend.

'I svear to god, Andréa, you keep dis up, you _vill_ be sorry,' she muttered, turning away.

Andréa made a mock-frightened face behind her back as they headed back above ground to the main hall for lunch. The remainder of the day seemed to fly past, and soon it was time for Andréa's detention. She trudged down to the dungeons, considering for a minute of bailing, but then she would probably be forced to do worse by Snape. Taking this information into consideration, she continued. Snape was waiting for her as she strolled in.

'Start there,' he ordered, pointing to the damaged jars of potion ingredients and spilled potions in one corner of the dungeon.

Andréa seemingly got to work without complaint, but as soon as Snape had left, she did a few, subtle spells to help her along the way, such as, enchanting the cleaning equipment, casting the occasional scourging charm. But as soon as Snape poked his head in, she would follow whatever enchanted piece of equipment she was using, which sometimes proved more of a challenge than she thought. Occasionally, the enchanted object would make a sharp turn, nearly letting her secret go. At this rate, improvement was faster than it would have been manually, but still dragged on.

Several hours later, Andréa had finished her task, and quietly snuck out and hurried up to the Great Hall for dinner. She met the others at the door.

'So, how was detention?' asked Harry.

'Easy,' replied Andréa. 'Just a few spells here and dere to help along de vay.'

At that, Snape came up from the dungeons. He cast a look at Andréa and paused.

'An impressive job cleaning, Miss Dragomir,' he sneered. 'If I didn't know better, I'd say you used magic.'

He glared at her, but Andréa remained unfazed.

'I'll be watching you,' he snapped.

He swept inside and out of sight. They all looked at Andréa.

'I swear,' said Ron. 'You must be the only Slytherin that Snape doesn't favour.'

'Meh,' said Andréa airily.

'Andréa, sometimes I teenk you are too vague for your own goot,' said Milena.

'How does being vague benefit me to begin vid?' asked Andréa.

'And yet dat vas possibly de sharpest teeng you've said all veek,' added Milena.

Andréa threw her a sarcastic wince.

'Sarcasm is de lowest form of vit,' said Milena.

'So vhat does dat say about you?' countered Andréa.

'I only use it vid you, because you can't possibly have de vit to understand _my_ vit,' replied Milena.

Andréa frowned.

'You lost me. I'm getting confused vid de vit.'

Harry snorted. Milena made a motion with her hand flying straight over her head.

'Come on,' said Ron. 'We'll be late for dinner. I'm starving.'

'You're always starving,' groaned Hermione.

They all went inside and sat down at the Gryffindor table. Milena reached into her bag and drew out her python, Rhianna.

'Oh, my poor baby,' she gushed. 'You've been in dat bag all day.'

'You're still carrying that thing?' exclaimed Hermione.

Milena appeared not to hear her and laid the python on the floor beside her.

'Dere you go,' she said affectionately to the snake, and then turned back to the others.

Milena ate her dinner casually, while the others watched with awe as, Rhianna, her python was silently squeezing the breath out of an unsuspecting Third Year Slytherin, seemingly without Milena's knowledge. However, there was a slight glint in her eye to suggest otherwise.

'Milena,' said Andréa calmly. 'May I draw your attention to de fact dat your snake is slowly killing somevun.'

'I know,' replied Milena.

'Den, may I also point out dat dis could _possibly_ give dem reason to expel you,' added Andréa. 'May I remind you of de school in Milan?'

Milena gave a sharp whistle, and Rhianna unravelled herself from around the neck out the fear-stricken, Slytherin boy and returned to her master's side. The boy promptly fainted from shock.

'Vhat vas dat?' asked Andréa, severely.

'He tried to cop a feel in de hallvay before,' she answered nonchalantly.

Andréa raised her eyebrows.

'Remind me never to get on your bad side,' she said. 'I know – too late,' she added as Milena gave her a sideways glance.

Andréa spotted Pansy out of the corner of her eye, trying desperately to get Draco's attention, who was otherwise occupied in his own thoughts, no doubt about her.

'Excuse me vun moment,' she said to the others. 'I need to defend my territory.'

She rose from the table and walked towards Pansy. The eyes of the others followed her, eager to watch the demonstration at hand. Pansy noted Andréa approaching and resolved to back down. Draco predicted what would ensue and stepped away from Andréa's path. Pansy, however, was not so intuitive. Andréa let out a piercing scream and rushed at Pansy, seizing a chair and attacking her with it, beating her repeatedly over the head. Milena stalked over to where the fight was ensuing.

'Put the chair down,' she ordered.

Andréa looked up from where she was, holding the chair over Pansy's head. She pouted and made puppy dog eyes at Milena.

'Do I have to?' she pleaded.

'Yes.'

Andréa lowered the chair and released her grip on Pansy, muttering inaudibly. She glanced up at Milena again, a spark of hope in her eyes, only to face a stern glare and a shaking head. She looked down again, despondently. She got up off the floor and returned to the Gryffindor table, where Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting with confused expressions. Milena followed her, looking back at the many pairs of eyes staring after. She made a hissing sound at them. They all looked away and returned to the dinners. She sat down casually beside Andréa.

'I don't understand,' said Harry, after a long silence. 'Why didn't you use magic against Pansy?'

Andréa glanced at Milena quickly.

'Vell – she,' she motioned to Milena, 'has me on a ban from using magic against any human beings.'

'De insurance and casualty rate seems to have gone down since den,' added Milena. 'Dere is only so much damage she can inflict physically, and de radius of destruction is decreased. It all makes perfect sense.'

'I'm sure,' said Ron quietly.

Milena frowned.

'Have you ever seen vun of her magical fights?' she asked. 'You'd know vhat I'm talkink about. Debris everyvhere, much damage and destruction, not even restricted to de battleground. Is a daunting teeng to vitness, particularly vhen Magical Law Enforcement gets involved, and de clean up begins. You never know vhat crazy teengs dey dig up, and most of it, you don't vant to.'

She shot a look at Andréa.

'Remember de incident in Budapest?'

Andréa feigned innocent for a split second.

'I vasn't goink to give in to dat gold-digging whore,' she said outraged, her face contorting. 'She vas tryink to rip me off. Vhat kind of deal did she teenk she vas pulling?'

'She vas a ninety-five year old yenta!' cried Milena. 'Not a criminal mastermind!'

'I saw her make Evil Eye at me,' said Andréa, convinced. 'Dat voman had it in for me.'

'I teenk somebody's a _leetle_ paranoid,' she replied.

'Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean dey're not out to get me,' said Andréa, staring around the room shiftily. 'Dey all vant me gone!' she cried out despairingly.

Milena patted her comfortingly on the shoulder.

'Dere, dere,' she said. 'Don't let de leetle purple monster dat lives in your head get to you. It have very powerful svay.'

'You know, sometimes is hard to tell vhen you have genuine concern,' said Andréa, 'or vhen you're just being a bitch.'

Milena just smiled at her.

'Bitch. Got it,' said Andréa.

The five of them trooped out of the Great Hall to the Entrance Hall. Andréa stared up at the ceiling, watching the clouds swirl in the enchanted sky.

'Is nice establishment you peeple have here,' she said. 'I deedn't get goot look vhen ve arrived.'

'Andréa,' said Milena. 'You're not here to talk architecture. Vhat do you vant?'

Andréa frowned.

'Vhy do you alvays teenk vhen I say someteenk unselfish or not centred on me dat I vant someteenk?'

Milena waited patiently.

'Ok, I get vhy you vould teenk dat,' she said. 'I vas just – '

Milena raised an eyebrow.

' – _Vundering_ vhat you vere _doink_ now?' said Andréa. 'Cos I have noteenk to do.'

'And vhat do you vant us to do about it?' asked Milena.

'Maybe, I come join you in de Greeffindor common room?' suggested Andréa.

'Draco von't miss you?'

Andréa paused to ponder this.

'True,' she said. 'I'll need to fix Pansy up before I go. I'll see you all dere.'

Andréa headed off to the Slytherin common room.

'Vell, I von't be de vun to let her in,' said Milena. 'I hope she remembers de passvord.'

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**A/N:** Ok, Chapter 8 is in progress, but with my co-writer out of the country (she's touring Europe, lucky bitch), it is hard to come up with any semblance of a plot. Next chapter: meh, who knows what's going to happen… 


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